Mommy Diaries, Take 7 (The Truth of the Matter) by Carmen Brown

You were all probably wondering when I was going to come out of this la-la land experience of being a first time mother or a parent for that matter. Even though dynamics have changed, I am still in la-la ahhhh of my child. But there are a couple of things I need to get off my chest. So, I will call this blog entry ‘the truth of the matter’.

I hardly ever make disclaimers when stating my opinion or giving advice, but this time I feel the need to do so. I will keep my disclaimer short: Men do not get offended by this next comment, it is not a blow to your ego, it is simply a truth that I have come to learn and respect. Women carry the weight of the world. There, I said it.

No matter how much you dream up a world of co-parenting when you are lucky enough to have a partner, it will change your relationship in ways you never thought possible. Now, having said that it can be a very positive thing or it can turn south. It is all up to the 2 individuals and how much they want to commit to responsibility and to the relationship. We do not roll the dice in this situation, there is nothing left to luck or chance, it is all about things working because you make them work. You make it happen. You both put in equal effort for the needs of the baby and of one another.

I will not indulge into the many details going on at my household right now, because some things should just remain private, but I will tell you this is the most challenging experience of my life. Women, we get the memo (or at least you should), as soon as we find out we are pregnant. Life changes as we know it, starting with our bodies. Hormones run wild like a mean joke on top of not being able to walk by your 9th month. I loved being pregnant until then! Ahhhh – getting up every 10 minutes to pee and then work all day was such a lovely experience. Ok, so I’m rambling, but the point I am trying to make is that take caution when you actually have that baby. Be armed with the knowledge that no matter how great your partner is, you will hold the weight of the world physically, emotionally, and take the main responsibility for you and that child. It is why God gave women the power to bear children. We were born with this amazing gift that has its up sides and it’s down sides.

If you are a woman wiping your eyes to even read this right now, have faith that you will get a break, just stay focused on what is important and tell everybody else that gets in your way to go to hell. To every man who is pissed off right now or getting offended, take a deep breath, we still love you. Even if you were father of the year award, you have no idea and just come to terms with what I am saying. It is nothing personal. I love my man, believe that. I’m just simply stating on a somewhat telepathic level to all my women friends that you are not alone. The biggest change a person can go through is bringing a child into this world. A woman is changed in every way, form, fashion possible and when I glance over right now at little Tyson, I’d do it 10 more times.

Here is where my dilemma comes in: men, if you are not stepping up, please get your ass in gear. This is hard work and a lot of sacrifice. It is actually what makes it so wonderful, it a challenge like no other. One of our challenges has been the night time take shifts ordeal. I understand during the week, I am not ‘working’ at the station, but my job is to be the best damn mother 24-7 to my newborn. That makes my job at the radio station look like a walk in the park. We need your help. This just in: women are not robots that can function 24 hours a day on no sleep. Even when you are tired, do not complain or hit the snooze button on your alarm clock. Baby does not have a snooze button. This ‘problem’ of taking turns at night can really begin to damage a relationship, and to all the Martha Stewarts out there, kiss my ass. Your relationship and love is just as important as the needs of that newborn baby. I believe in energy and how it affects everything and everyone around us. The more we help one another, the more this new life will feel loved.

Positive vibes, call me a hippie, but it is the truth of the matter. Hopefully we can overcome this, but regardless, time will not stand still and wait for us to catch up. I really consider it a privilege to get up at all odd hours and be there for Tyson. Hell, some women go their whole lives trying to have kids and never can. Tyson is a blessing. Every child is a blessing.

No matter what you are going through in your relationship to make it work, start new journeys, take on huge responsibilities, know that there is someone, somewhere who understands. Remember that joy is as equal as pain. If we did not know what the hard times felt like, we could not enjoy the beautiful moments in life that create memories. But, if you are a man reading this and have given the majority of the responsibility to the mother of your child, soften your heart – reach out to her – be a little more understanding. When we get mad at you for not doing as much as we think you should, maybe you should think about it for a minute. Reflect on what we are saying and give us a break. I know the majority of men are GREAT fathers, including mine, but you will face some sort of challenge as first time parents. If it’s not the night thing, it will be something else. All I can say is communicate, get it out there, be raw about your emotions. It will make you or break you. This is not a grey area my friends, a child is a 24-7 job that you have to roll with and be flexible.

Thank you to every woman pacing and rocking the floors right now wishing you had just 4 hours straight of sleep. When that little baby wakes up and opens his eyes, it will be all better. Just keep the love flowing inside of yourself, even if your relationship is taking a toll. Know at least this, I understand, and every other woman that has been in your shoes understands. Take care of yourself and one another. And, as always, make it a good one! – Carmen